Prelude: She Tore Me
Her hair was a silk blond.
Her face was a contour of desirable proportions.
Her chest was moderate in ones eyes.
Her arms were just that.
Her legs were legs of infinite smoothness.
She was the one.
She was the figure.
She was perfect,
Till the day when I fell.
After the Fall
Life, twists, love and hate. These define the inside
Darkness or greyness. Take your pick...That's how the sky showed itself. A grey
glaze over threw the bright sky. It overcame my vision. The clouds formed turning and
twisting me as if I was banacharrain. Times follow paths. The moods follow
unrythmatic rythems. My eyes looked out as if they had been glued into place. The knife
inside my inner organs spun. My arms layed out twisting the knife in and around. My
feet and toes layed uncontrolled. My legs rejected who I had become. My arms flooded
as carriers, fought to end the suffering. My hands listened only because they were forced
to. My mind...My mind.
Visions show the outside and yet portay the inside. My mind...my mind. Inside a
cloud invisions a path of choice. Another..with visibility shows one of challange and
strives. In the beginning it may not be good but something is bound to go right. I weigh
the decisions with my rights and triamphs. Nothing. I look back. See my darkened past.
I look forward. See my uncertain future. I enter a cloud of pink lightning but brown
color. I see a picture. Picture. One that portrays. Taste of hate and regret flood the
peaceful plain. What is wrong is now enclosed under what is right. The superiority I
have can't tackle it. I loose myself. Wonder, how? Why? Why? Yes. Why? Why did
this happen? Why did I make it like this? Why am I like this? Why did I say I couldn't?
Why did I say I could? Why is why? Help!!!!! I scream out. Help! I address. I see my
nature. I change it and hide it. The clouds enevidibly have to break. They hold too
much moisture. No matter how hard you try, they will break. Time will just speed up
the process. Time is like a river. Some parts smooth and clear. Others rough and fast.
Is it you or is it me? I wonder. I sift through the grey mist and look upon my hands. For
they are only doing as I instructed. Why? Why? They call out. Why? They ask. Why? I
ask. Why? I answer. I pull my hand in. Twist...pull...jerk...jab. My insides are now out.
I have shown all I am...Take me for it. I have nothing else to hide. There is nothing
more than this. Or is there something? But...
I am misguided. Truth's are burried in with lies. Hate could be love, and love
could be hate. Why? I ask. I love you...I want to live how I invision....I want to break
out, and become myself....I want to turn myself around.
I look about. My hands now rejecting me in lue of what they have done. I HATE
THIS!!!! I HATE YOU!!!! I HATE ME!!!! MY TRUTHS ARE FALSE!!!! WHY??
DOES IT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY?? For I am nervous. I am misguided. I am
showing you all I am. Now that I have crucified myself upon my own cross...I see a light.
Time instucts me to kneel...Feelings become majority rule. I lose myself. Help me!! I
need a hand of peace!! Myself is ruined, or better than ever? I look back. Wow!! I did
this. I look forward...I'm amazing!! This is what I am. This is who I am. Why? Why?
Why have things become great? Why am I so good at this? Why do things fall into place
for me? Why am I lucky? Pride...a intense version. I take it and love it. For not so often
it visits. I hold onto it. Spread it with me. Take it with my aching mind. I look back.
Yes!! I exclaim....Now things are on track..Then you. I am lost again. Help me!!
Please!! Take my hand!! Pull me out!! This place has a cold, damp feeling anymore. I
need to be pulled out!!
I fall down to the ground. Images falling into denial. So it ends...I wish I had put
myself as one. For all I could of had, I am lost and never found. My hand..My leg...My
feet...My love..My life. Does anything matter? Why? Again Why? What is my
confusion to blame for my mistakes. Take me back. Pull me in...I am who I say I am..Or
so it seems. I want you to pull me back. Keep me here. Straighten me out and guide me
to the time. Light is powerful, but what is light? What is life? My friends...you leave me
here...You all desert myself...or did I leave you? It is not my fault. Did I do this? It is
not my fault. You are the one who I most trusted...It is not my fault. Why? It is not my
fault. Well my fault is only what I see is my doing. It might of been me all along. My
lack of attentivism. Why? Send me out!!! Kick me out!!! Do what you have to!!! Help
me!! Show me the way. And after I find my path..I will stay on track. For I have
strayed. Shyness my enemy, and emotions my hate. Time doesn't see this...And it's not
my fault.
But time is twisted in itself. If I can turn myself around nextime.. I have
faith...One thing I never lost. As my body bounces and lands roughly on the ground I
wonder one last time. Why? Why was I like this? Why couldn't I change it? Why do I
lack self esteme? Why do I wait? Why am I who I am? Why can't I win?
The lightning suddenly comes to a hualt. The clouds slowly began to emerge
more so and disipate. The greyness keeps the black on the bright sky. For the inside
shows the truth. But the shell is nothing but what it is. Ok. Again I ask why? Why?
| You may also find this at: |
| All works presented on this(these) pages are presented by and are Copyright © 1998 Joseph John. |
